Enter the Whoop Ass

Hello, my name is Mr. Whoop Ass.  There’s only one thing about me you need to know – If you piss me off, be expecting an ass whooping…

One day I was on my laptop clunking my way through cyberspace when I received a message: “Alert your computer has been hijacked.  All of your files are compromised.”  My computer went into lockdown mode, and I could not use it anymore.  I proceeded to punch a hole in the wall.  Afterwards, I took my laptop to a computer savvy friend.  This friend told me that someone named Blake Todd from 312 Zap Lane, Olympia, Washington, Apartment #848 put the virus on my computer. 

The next day, I hopped on a train and took a few buses to Olympia.  I found the apartment complex rather easily.  I jumped the fence and walked straight to apartment #848.  I busted through the door.  Nothing was in the main room except a few empty pizza boxes.  There were two signs on the bedroom door – “Viruses Rule” and “I hate human beings.”  I kicked the door down.  There sat a pudgy, curly haired middle aged man wearing nothing but underwear furiously typing into a keyboard, playing a game with ghouls and goblins.  I tapped him on the shoulder, and he swiftly turned around, snarled and then said, “Who the hell are you?!  What are you doing here?!”

I replied, “Hello, my name is Mr. Whoop Ass.  I heard you like to create computer viruses.  I think you can guess what happens next.”